Being stuck at home has been a dream in many ways. I am one of those introverts who could spend hours cleaning, re-organizing, reading, journaling, cooking and so forth. Don’t be fooled by my life on the road + constant yearnings for travel, I live for my home life.

This week has taken a bit of a toll on my mental health. Going into week three of home isolation I have become exceedingly anxious. I’ve worked hard to restructure my website and spruce up my online profiles. I’ve discovered more music than I think I have in the past three years. I’ve joined an online baking club that I pop into every few days watching Christina Tosi live at 11am. I’ve relearned a number of songs on the piano. All good things but somehow, every so often, my heart feels heavy + dull.¬† Perhaps its the daily bits of news I hear or the thought that this stay at home mandate could last for several more weeks. My wedding jobs are mostly on hold until June and meetings have almost come to almost a complete standstill. Hope is not lost but I am feeling it.

The best way I know to cure this is to go somewhere and create something.

With all the park, trail and beach closures in the Los Angeles area, this proved to be incredibly difficult. What was on my side was the lack of typical Los Angeles traffic. Something rare and actually wonderful to take advantage of. I drove the long way around to take a peek at downtown before heading to the beach cities. I got paranoid about finding places to park where I wouldn’t get a ticket or towed. With little income coming lately, this is one of the last things I desire. My planned stops where all cut short, my skills in finding hidden spots seemed to fail me. Defeat sat in for a few moments until I decided to drive up the PCH. All the way up.

I passed a number of my favorite typical spots El Matador, Leo Carrilo, the Malibu Pier. Even gave a nod to Duke’s, a seaside gem for intimate weddings. Nothing seemed to really catch my eye. I debated going up the canyon roads to explore in the mountains but just kept driving.

It started to get less congested on the already empty road as I drove further + further up the coast. The highway once you get past most of the main state beaches, starts to make the loveliest curves. I was getting closer to this undecided, undiscovered location. Up ahead I caught a glimpse of a rock that very much reminded me of one of the haystack rocks I fell so in love with along the Oregon Coast.

There were some scattered cars, some people who were also seeking some time outside. There wasn’t a single ‘No Parking’ sign, no tow warnings, no fear. It was the perfect place.

All that car time, driving in defeat made this seaside time feel so well deserved. I played along the rocks for about an hour, watching the waves crash along the rocks and admiring the clouds pass by and around the sun. It felt good to get my tripod out, it felt good to just focus on the environment around me and not get totally drenched by the rouge waves.

Visit after visit, the sea maintains this odd sort of magic. Sometimes I stare trying to figure it out, other times I let go and accept the beauty for what it is. This was a day of the latter. We expected nothing from one another, the sea + I.

I felt lucky for the chance to get some fresh air, for the chance to see a little of the world outside and, most of all, for the time to create.

Cinemagraph Companion.

-t

for your ears:

My Spring Playlist

for your eyes: